A Dog Story

I just watched Hachiko, a Richard Gere movie based on a Japanese true story about a dog that waited for his master everyday at a train station even after his death; A story of loyalty and unconditional love.

I learned about this story when I was in highschool. I would always catch this show about Japan in channel 9 while I’m preparing for school and one day they feature this story of a bronze statue of a dog at a train station this caught my attention then years after a movie is made.

What really amazes me until now is the capacity of a dog to really love you unconditionally, to be loyal even though there are times when you’re not there to take care of them and when some times you’re too busy and yet they don’t mind and they still love you no matter what.

They will love you when you’re at your worse and be there at your best. No ifs or buts…

I love the movie… pero medyo bitin sya… Hehehe…

I love dog movies… they don’t fail to make me cry everytime…

~~~~~

Let me tell you a story about one of my dogs Mandy that really surprised me.

She’s my first dog and the “ate” of all my dogs here. A little bit spoiled and maldita too but could be very malabing at times. She loves Ate Lita, one of my angels here at home. At night, if Mandy wants to go out and pee she would wake up Ate Lita with her distinct bark and Ate Lita would know that she wants to go out and would open the window and Mandy would do her thing. When Mandy wants to go out she would wake Ate Lita and only her.

But one night, Mandy went to the angel’s room and started barking at Jenelyn and when she woke up thinking that Mandy just wants to go out, she started for the window but then Mandy went the opposite way to where I slept. Jenelyn thinking that there must be something wrong followed her immediately and found Mandy sitting in front of my door and wagging her tail. Only then that Jenelyn realized I was still asleep and it was already 11:30pm and I was going to be late. Then Mandy started barking again and Jenelyn knocked on my door and when I answered only then did Mandy stopped barking.

How could she know that I was still sleeping? How could she know I was going to be late if I didn’t wake up anytime soon? That was the only incident that I almost over slept since I’ve been working. I can’t still believe she did that. Hehehe! When I’m off to work she’s the one who sees me leave and when I come home she’s the first one to greet me. Like as if she could hear or smell me miles away, and when I open the door she’ll be there wagging her tail ready to jump and lick my face.

She’s getting a little old now. I’m not counting the years though; I’m looking forward to having her beside me till I grow old hopefully.

That’s just one of those stories I have with my dogs. I love all of them. They make me happy. They comfort me. They’re there no matter what.

:)

ooohhh!!!

some'thing' is coming soon...

i can't hardly wait!!!!!

Empathy!!!

I had a coaching with my TL Red last Saturday. Actually it was a performance review as by March 7, we will be officially regularized by our company. (Yes! After months of hard work, everything paid off.)

I'm doing very well with my OPI, second highest for Team Red (as per February). My attendance for the first quarter of the year is okay. So far no absences and lates yet. Just have to maintain this till the end of March and I'll have that quarterly bonus! In our team, I'm the only one candidate for it. As far as performance wise, my documentation is 99%, AHT is below 600, my only problem is my QA. I always get a mark down for "empathy" as I'm always tamad making my empathy statements. But if only I could just get my heart into it, as per TL said "Think of what it could do to your OPI if you get high a score with your QA.. Think of it... You're in a good position na. Konting trabaho nalang sa empathy"... And as what my friend Mariel also told me, "Mars, baklain mo ang tawag mo!" Hahaha!

I promised myself beginning March I will do that. Empathy! Empathy! Empathy!

Seriously, I didn’t think that I’ll ever enjoy working in a call center. But I am. I didn’t even know I could excel in a job like this. When my TL asked me what my goal is, I didn’t tell him that I wanted to be trainer. One thing I’m sure of, I don’t want to be a TL because basing it from all the work loads my TL has everyday… Kakapagod kaya! Hahaha! Secretly, being a Trainer is what I really like to do someday.

But for the meantime, gain more knowledge and experiences. Do my job well, and make every call a good, quality call, maski buraot ang mga lintek na mga customer na yan… Hahaha!!! As what my philosophy is, all work stops when I leave the office. I don’t bring the stress and angst at home. I don’t want and will not be affected by bad calls. Ganun talaga… There are good days and there are bad days… Learn to separate yourself from all the calls you get. I’m not an irate agent… Too soft spoken pa nga daw. Hahaha! But when it’s called for, I do get a little authoritative with the customer…

Hay... Life nga naman… I’m doing good… I’m doing good…

Life is Good!

xoxox

(and cross my fingers na hindi na kami malipat ng State… Hopefully, it is final that we will stay with Michigan… rumors are circulating that in a few more months we’ll get transferred to Indiana or worse… I don’t know what to call it… worse or better… be super agents “daw”…. Whatever that means… that scares the heck out of me…)

Monday mornings...

I know we had the same work days and I know practically his schedule now… Hehehe!!! But what surprises me is that I see him much often now even though he should be on the floor but he’ll be in the pantry when it’s my lunch and I would find him in Hacienda when we’re about to go home. Crazy coincidence….

I don’t want to assume things because mahirap umasa diba? Hirap madisappoint… But I love seeing him around though… Hehehe… And trying to figure out what the heck is it tattooed on his neck! My friends can’t read it either… All the more curious I am…

I didn’t see him last Saturday and all my teammates were looking for him too… I learned from TL Jei-Ar that he came to work late - around 11am and I was home by then… Oh well… I’ll see him on later hopefully…

But then, Michigan people will have a different bay na… Huhuhu!!!

~~~~

Saturday night was Dhezie’s birthday dinner. Went there a little bit late because I woke up late and had a little bit of stomach ache too. Ako pa daw yung malapit lang ang house tapos ako pa daw ang late.. Hehehe!!! I was supposed to be there around 7am kaso I woke up at 7:30pm took time to get ready and finally when I’m all dressed up sumakit naman ang tiyan ko… Finally at 9:30pm I was bound to her place which is only a 5minute ride from my place… I arrived finding Ron and her husband already there, Kim and her girlfriend Joey, Benny and his boyfriend Jovan and Dhezie’s friends Joseph and Anthony… Nagiinuman na sila.. I brought with me some of the left over alcohol from our team building – 2 grand matador 1 liter each – which was consumed in less than an hour I think… Hay! Then Ruby came, Madam and TL Jei-Ar… Kwentuhan and more alcohol was bought.

Then TL and I got to talk about the guy I like. That’s when he told me he was late earlier kaya di ko sya nakita. Jei-Ar and another TL- JM calls him “angas factor” daw… Hindi daw sya ganun ka guapo… which I find true… hindi sya ganun ka guapo, pero may dating! Hehehe! May angas! We agreed that he speaks English really good and sounds even better… Some of my friends ang biruan namin tungkol sa kanya is that “parang di ka daw bubuhayin sa kama!” Hahaha!!! Syeet! He’s not that tall, pero maputi at malinis tingnan… I find him really nice to look at… Everytime na naiisip kong napapagod nako mag take ng calls, all I have to do is think about seeing him at 6:00am in the morning and all will be worth it na… Hahaha!!! Really.. minsan, naiisip ko lang na makikita ko na sya in a few more hours and everything will be well… Nakakalokah…

TL Jei-Ar said he would find a way to speak to him and find out his name… Ha! Para talagang highschool feeling ko.. May crush crush pang nalalaman ang gagah! Oh well.. He is one of the reasons why I love working though aside from having good friends and not having a boring weekend anymore…

Anyways, back to Dhezie’s birthday dinner. Love the kare-kare though… maski unti lang kinain ko dahil masakit parin ang tiyan ko… Got a chance to speak with Anthony and learned that he lives one street away from me lang pala… He was a bit drunk narin Hehehe…. Ang kulit kulit about Baliwag Lechon insisting that we owned the place.. Hahaha!!! Around 4am narin ako nakauwi… Didn’t drink that much though…

Sunday… woke up at around 8:30am… Spent the whole day with my Edward… Ang kulit kulit.. haba narin ng hair nya… Walang ginawa kundi mangulit at mangagat… Hay! Watched TV and DVD the whole day.. By 5:30pm I was asleep already and now… Woke up at 2:30am.. Nothing to do.. Hahaha!!! Edward’s gone… back to his cage.. Didn’t realized that Jenelyn took him na…

Hmmm… Need to go St Joseph later.. was not able to go last night… Hay….

Hahaha!!!

What is it like working in a call center? Well it is something that I didn’t expect that I would like and that I would enjoy. Honestly at first I was having a hard time adjusting with the work hours, especially when we got pulled out from our original account and was trained for five days – only! and was transferred to a different market and got a new schedule. It was one hell of transition. But in the end it was worth it… Why? Because I got to notice someone I would like on the floor... Hahaha!!! Actually it is not my priority at all. I discovered him by accident. I just used to see him every now and then but I was so occupied with my own work that I would think of him in passing. But right after our training, and we learned how petiks the new market was – at first, we had nothing to do at times, I found myself staring at him every chance I get. Hahaha! Parang highschool! Our bay was just next to theirs and I wouldn’t have a hard time finding him. Then, one day, during our petiks moment my friend, Dhez and I got to talk about him and Dhez started teasing me about him and when he passed by my station because at that time I was by the aisle. God! I was so embarrassed! I knew he heard Dhez because he looked at me. Para talagang highschool!!! Hahaha! Now, I don’t know if it’s by chance or whatever because I don’t want to give any meaning to it, he would seat where I’m facing. Shit talaga! Just like today, there are times that I would catch him staring at me and he would catch me staring at him and there was an instant that I was hiding behind my monitor and he would stand up, pretend to do something or whatever and I would catch him staring at me. Haaay! Ano ba un?! Hahaha!!! I’m not in love okay… I just like looking at him. At seven in the morning, he is someone I look forward to seeing everyday. He’s so yummy to look at… Hahaha!!!

Alex is another story. My teammate, actually I don’t know when it started, maybe during one of our drinking session. It began as a joke. I would tease him and everybody would tease us. Then during Jev’s birthday (Dhez’s husband), Alex and I became boyfriend and girlfriend for the night! Hahaha! Because RJ was teasing us and wouldn’t stop, until Alex told him yes we are an item and we held hands all night. But it was only because RJ wouldn’t stop and because of the alcohol.. Hahaha!!!! After the party, the whole team learned about that joke time we had and begun teasing us and Alex and I would pretend to be bf and gf on the floor.. Hahaha! It’s funny because he is not my type at all and I just find him very mabait and so serious with work. (We got to share our life story during one of the weekends we were forced to go to work and there was no call at that time.)

During our team building, we had this “honoring time” where in we talk about each other and saying only the positive things… When it was my turn and Alex was about to say something about me… the whole team erupted with laughter and kept teasing us. They called us Mommy and Daddy because we were the ones involved in the kitchen, while Alex was cooking our dinner, I was preparing our table. Hahaha! It was so fun… I kept asking Alex if he’s getting pikon na… And he would say no naman… Its all for fun though… Until now.. we would tease each other na kami na nga… and I would ask him “why sinagot mo na ba ako?” in which he would gladly say “matagal na kaya!” and the team would tease us endless… Dhez is the culprit though… She is pushing me towards Alex… Hahaha!!! Not yet Dhez.. I’m not ready for another relationship again… I want to enjoy every moment muna of being single.

I remember what one of my highschool buddy told me… “dyan nagsisimula yan.. sa tukso-tukso, one thing you know, kayo na pala….” Hahaha!!! Maybe, maybe not...

We’ll see…. Hahaha!!!

Is it really possible to be completely healed from a broken heart after just a few months?

In truth, yes it is possible because I have learned to forgive him and that is why now I can say that I have finally move on with my life. No more hoping and wishing for him to come back or to love me again. No more self pity no more this and that… No more regrets… Just a time to start loving myself and moving forward…

I never knew how wonderful it is to feel so free and liberated from all the angst of the past. I just woke up one day and felt no more loneliness or sadness of missing him or the bitterness of learning he found someone else. At first I felt betrayed, who wouldn’t be? But then again, it was a very slow process of healing and recovery and in the end I did survive it. What I learned from that experience, is that he was not the end of my life but the beginning of a new me and a new adventure.

It was a good start for the year 2010. Work is okay and I’m getting used to it now. The people I work with are great. We continue to know each other better and bond like a real family. Weekends now are spent either drinking session with them or just at home relaxing. Don’t have to worry about anything or anyone else but myself, my doggies and the people around me. I now have all the time in my life to do whatever I want and need. I never knew it could be this way, I thought a single person’s life is boring. Well, now I know why some people choose to be single. But of course I’m not closing my door to know someone someday and have a true partner in life not just a lover but somebody who would really go through life with me.

But for now, I’m pretty much content with what’s happening with my life. I couldn’t ask for more…

“Life is pretty simple…

If you ask for apples and you get lemons, make lemonade.

If you are on your way out and it starts to rain, at least you don’t have to water the plants.

It’s a matter of seeing things in perspective. The benefits may not be immediate or obvious,

but we have to know that there are problems and struggles.

Have faith. Enjoy life. Take it easy.

If today you’re picking the grapes, tomorrow you’ll be drinking the wine.”

You've Made Me Stronger

Is it hard to believe I'm okay
After all, it's been a while since you walked away
I'm way past crying over you finding someone new
You turned my days into night
But now I see the light
And this may be a big surprise to you

But you've made me stronger by breaking my heart
You ended my life and made a better one start
You've taught me everything from fallin' in love
To letting go of a lie
Yes, you've made me stronger,
By saying goodbye
If you'd rather believe I'm not over you
Go ahead - there's nothing wrong with making believe
I know 'cause I used to pretend you'd come back to me
But time has been such a friend
Brought me to my senses again
And I have you to thank for setting me free

Think again
Don't feel so sorry for me, my friend
Oh, don't you know
I'm not the one at the losing end

YOU MADE STRONGER BY SAYING GOODBYE...

(500) Days of Summer

"Look, i know you think that he was the one, but i don't.
Now, I think you're just remembering the good stuff.
Next time you look back,
I really think that you should look again..."

~nice movie... love it.. :)

On My Own

I'm wiser now
I'm not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I'm stronger now
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own
Yeah yeah, mmm, yeah yeah

It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lines
And if you don't know by now
I can't go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it

Oh I start again go back to one
I'm running things in my way
Can't stop me now, I've just begun
Don't even think about it
There ain't no way about it
I'm taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I'm gonna take my turn
It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone

I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
It's time for me to do it
See I'm not afraid

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect,

whole, and complete, and yet life is ever changing.

There is no beginning and no end,

only a constant cycling and recycling

of substance and experiences.

Life is never stuck or static or stale,

for each moment is ever new and fresh.

I am one with the very Power that created me, and this Power

has given me the power to create my own circumstances.

I rejoice in the knowledge that I have the power

of my own mind to use in any way I choose.

Every moment of life is a new beginning point

as we move from the old. This moment is a new point

of beginning for me right here and right now.

All is well in my world.

We are each responsible for all of our experiences.

Every thought we think is creating our future.

The point of power is always in the present moment.

Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt.

The bottom line for everyone is,

“I’m not good enough.”

It’s only a thought, and a thought can be changed.

Resentment, criticism, and guilt

are the most damaging patterns.

Releasing resentment will dissolve even cancer.

When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.

We must release the past and forgive everyone.

We must be willing to begin to learn to love ourselves.

Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now

are the keys to positive changes.

We create every so-called “illness” in our body.

Free At Last

I don’t know how to describe how I feel right now.

All I know is that I’ve never been this happy since the break-up three months ago. Should I say that I’ve already moved on? Or have let go of everything?

I believe so.

On the eve of my birthday he called me. Asking how I was, my dogs, even asking about my schedule. I was so surprised he called and I didn’t even recognize his voice (he was using a different number). He didn’t greet me though but he cried and said he was sorry for everything and congratulated me because I finally found work. Ok, I could accept the congratulatory greeting but not his apologies. Not yet. Maybe someday at the right time.

Before he called me, I was doing a little bit okay. There were times I would think of what happened. I would miss him and there would be the pain of missing him. After the call, I was left even more confused. Why would he call all of the sudden? When after breaking up with me, he wouldn’t even take my calls and wouldn’t answer my text messages. Why now when I thought I was doing okay and I thought I have moved on. Why?

I knew I had to find the answer to my question. I knew I had to end my suffering once and for all. I had to do something. Or else I would go insane and lose my job in the process.

I had an instinct. And I wanted to confirm it.

Two things came to my mind why this effing guy would call me. One, he’s guilty and he can’t moved on with his new life – new girlfriend and somehow saying sorry to me would heal all the pain he gave me (really?! Just like that?!) – Maybe that’s what he’s thinking… Two, he’s guilty and wants a second chance. Well… I chose the first one.

I sent a message to his sister. Confirmed what I know and got my answer. He has a girlfriend already.

That answered my question. My first choice was right. Bulls’ eye!

I felt relieved. I felt liberated. Suddenly I could breathe again! It felt like a heavy load was lifted from my chest and I could smell the air and feel the sun in my skin. I felt FREE.

Somehow, knowing the truth, made me accept the reason why he broke-up with me. It made accepting easier and letting go much easier. If only he was honest from the start. But as what Mariel said, it is hard to be honest because we know it would hurt. But nonetheless, it could have been better for both us if he was.

November 6th, three months after the break-up, for the first time, I had a smile on my face that day. Truly a sign that I’m over with the pain, with the holding on and thinking that one day he would come back to me. I was done. I was over it.

At least I know, I didn’t do anything wrong to him or to our relationship. It was not me who broke someone’s heart. And I could sleep at night without guilt in my soul.

Now, I will go to work with a new hope, new agenda, and a plan. A plan for my future. I look forward to each new day.

Before, I always say to myself that I could never love again. But after finding the truth and reading Re-Birth (and watching Notting Hill), I want to fall in love again. I want to love and be loved. I want to find that guy that would love me the way I am and accept me for who I am and really really take care of me not the other way around. And I’m excited for that. I’m excited to give my love to that someone who really deserves it.

I’m just happy that it’s over.

I’m happy and at peace with myself.

RE-BIRTH

"It isn't that we dare because things are difficult;
it is that we don't dare that they are difficult."

I lost a childhood toy... but have the memory of the person who gave me the gift with unconditional love.

I lost the privileges and fantasies of childhood... but had the opportunity of growing and living free.

I lost a lot of people whom I loved and still love... but had the affection and now have model from their lives.

I lost memories of life because I cried instead of smiling... but I discover that, it is from planting love that love is harvested.

I lost many things many times in my life. But in that "loss", today I aspire for the value of "gain"; ...because it is always possible to fight for that which we love; and because there is always time to start all over again.

It is not important the time of life when you tired. Important is that it is always possible and necessary to restart. Re-birthing is a new opportunity; it is renewing the hopes in life; and more importantly, it is believing in oneself.

Did you suffer greatly sometime?
... that was a time for learning.

Did you cry a lot?
... you were cleansing your soul.

Did you feel spiteful?
... it was a lesson on forgiveness.

At times, were you alone?
... it was because you closed your doors.

Were there times you believed everything was lost?
... it was simply the beginning of your improvement.

Did you feel lonely? Look around you and you will see people waiting for your smile, just to get closer to you.

RE-BIRTH

Today is an excellent day to start a new life project. Where do you want to go? Look higher, dream higher, desire the best, life brings us what we aspire.

If we think small; the small will come. If we think firmly on the best, on the positive and we strive for it; the best will come in our lives.

TODAY IS THE GREAT MENTAL CLEANSING DAY. THROW AWAY ALL THAT BINDS YOU TO THE PAST; ALL THAT HURTS YOU. DISCARD EVERYTHING INTO GARBAGE; CLEAN YOUR HEART; PREPARE IT FOR A NEW LIFE, AND FOR NEW LOVE, FOR WE ARE PASSIONATE. WE ARE CAPABLE OF LOVING MANY TIMES, BECAUSE WE ARE THE MANIFESTATION OF LOVE.

LIFE CALLS YOU; IT INVITES YOU TO A NEW ADVENTURE, A NEW JOURNEY, A NEW CHALLENGE. THIS DAY, PROMISE YOURSELF; THAT YOU WILL DO ANYTHING POSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE YOUR OBJECTIVES; TRUST IN LIFE, TRUST IN YOURSELF....

Breakup Recovery 101: Five Rules You Must Follow!

Whether or not you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt. And they can be really hard to get over. If you listen to the wise words of Charlotte on Sex and The City , it takes half the time you were together to get over him. Here are a few more wise words to help make your next breakup a little easier.

Don't Talk to Him

The most crucial rule in breaking up is to not talk to the person you're breaking up with. Even if you think you can handle it and still get over the person, you can't. Don't kid yourself; feelings will get hurt. Take some time off, get over him, and maybe someday in the future you'll be friends. Until then, lick your wounds and recover any way you'd like; whether that be partying hard, staying in bed for days with pints of ice cream, or spending absurd amounts of money on clothes you don't need. No one will say a thing; we all heal in our own, weird ways.

>>My healing started when I found a job. It kept me busy, too busy and too tired to even think about him anymore. Although there are times that I miss him but the pain is not that intense anymore. I knew I was on my way to recovery.


Snap Out of It

Remember how things, like stupid songs and movies and that little spot in the park that you two went to on your first date used to be "yours"? Well, they're not anymore. Don't make a connection to platonic objects when there isn't one. Remind yourself that you like that spot in the park because of the good view, not because of anyone connected to it. There's no point losing more than you have to from a breakup, so don't get all sappy on yourself

>>Continue living your life... I know it's so hard but that's what I'm doing now.


Reconnect with Your Friends

No matter how much you say you're not going to be that girl who gives up her friends for her boyfriend; everyone gives up a little of their time to spend with their guy. Well, now is the time to make it up to them (and, you could use the girl talk). So, go out and have fun; grab your best wing woman, and remember how much fun being single really is.

>>When my friends learned about it, they all came to my rescue. Took me under their wings and let me cry my eyes out until I couldn't cry anymore. Made time from their busy schedule just to meet up with me and be with me when I felt sad or lonely. But I knew that there will come a time that I have to be alone and face the pain.


Take Some Time For Yourself

Amidst all of this trying not to talk to him, hanging out with friends, partying more and/or eating lots and lots of ice cream-you need to remember to sit back and actually work through your feelings. Understand why things went south, and why you're better off this way. And in no time you'll be back to your old self, and what's-his-name will be a thing of the past.

>>As what I've previously said, continue living your life. I still go to places where we used to frequently go because I enjoy going or hanging out there. It is my me time. My time to relax and unwind.


It's All About Rewards

And finally, do all of the little things that make you happy every day. Yep, being single means thinking about you, you, you. So, go and take that extra time after work and buy yourself that little ring you've been obsessing over. Or take a long walk and meet a friend for cupcakes because well, you can. Have fun spoiling yourself, because you deserve it after....wait, what? I'm forgetting already.

>>Thinking about my past relationships, I never really had anything longer than a month in between them. I guess I was eager enough to forget the ex that I jump into one relationship to another. Which I think now, was wrong. It didn't really gave me enough time to reflect why or what happened and didn't gave me enough time for myself. Right now, I just want to enjoy everything as a single girl. And now that I got a new job, I want to make plans for MY future and honestly speaking I already have a one-year plan and I'm all excited about it. All about myself.

Vacation Mode

Just a few more hours and I'm off to Coron, Palawan with Tet for a four day vacation... Yeepee!!!!!

See you soon blog! :p

What now?

Birth

When you open the book here, it signals new beginnings. Birth can be taken literally. Perhaps there is a baby on the way now, or very soon. Perhaps one has just been born. This is about fertility. The time is ripe for new life and new hope.

It can also signify the beginning of a new phase in your relationship, or even a new relationship. If you are hoping to fall in love you can afford to feel very optimistic. Something is gestating and in the near future it will manifest in your life and show itself. Right now you need to make sure that you keep your focus on your dreams and make the most of this period of potential. This is the time to encourage your creativity, to dust off those half-finished projects or start something new. You must admit to yourself what a new beginning would mean to you and then go after it. If you stay true to yourself, anything can be accomplished.

Birth provides you or your relationship with the opportunity of rebirth. You can start again in a new way. A fresh slate is being offered if you are willing to take it. But remember that infancy is the outcome of birth. It's a period of vulnerability and there is a strong need for nurturing and protection. You can't launch a new beginning and then neglect it and hope that all will turn out well. This is a time for focus and gentleness. Get support from those around you; new births don't flourish in solitude. Gather your clan around you and rejoice.

Safety

When you open this book here, know that safety is an essential quality for success in love and relationships. Its importance is rarely adequately recognized and as an issue it is frequently misunderstood. The term "safety" means "the freedom from threat of danger or injury" and it includes both your physical and your emotional well-being. You need to stop and review how safe you are feeling at the moment and also the reality of how safe you actually are.

Look at the obvious issues. Ask yourself some very basic questions. Are you physically safe in your relationship? Is there violence or the threat of violence in your love life? Think carefully when you answer this question. Has violence been escalating in your life recently? Are there doors slammed, glasses broken or any other acts like this which you are trivializing or dismissing? Take these issues seriously, because otherwise they'll only get worse.

If you are looking for a new relationship or have just met someone new this card cautions you to look after yourself properly. Meet in public places and go slowly until you really know that you can trust this person. If they are safe they will respect your caution.

Next, look at your emotional safety. How do you feel in relationships? Do you trust that you can open up and show your true self or are you careful and cautious, always trying to get it right so that you don't leave yourself vulnerable or exposed? In love we ought to feel safe. We deserve to believe that our feelings will be respected. Take this seriously. If something isn't right, it won't go away if you bury your head in the sand.

Or, it may be that you could be safer in your relationship or potential relationship than you realize. Now may be the time to move forward and take the risk of being more open and asking for what you want. Stop and think about what you need to feel safe. You may need to practice this alone before you can share it with another. Find out what it takes to make you feel comfortable. Comfort and safety are intricately linked. When you get better at tuning in to your feelings you'll learn to trust your instincts and you'll know when you are safe and when you're not.

Remember, safety is the foundation stone of LOVE.

(Love Wisdom by Carolyn Temsi & Caro Handley)

Now That You're Gone

Well I can see heaven
See it over the plain
If I start running now
I think I can make it
And never look back again

Your face is all around me
Your keys are in my hand
And everywhere I go
I'll try to remember
Exactly who I am

'Cause now that you're gone
I can breathe
Now that you're gone
I am free
Free to make a mess of everything
'Cause nothing belongs to me
'Cause now that you're gone
I can breathe

We made a bed of roses
But I got pricked by the thorns
And on a long cold night
I still think I'm bleeding
But I wake up untorn

Well I am a missing person
I've lost it all but my name
And, I'm afraid some long lonely road
Will lead me back to you again

Cause now that you're gone
I can breathe
Now that you're gone
I am free
Free to make a mess of everything
'Cause nothing belongs to me
Now that you're gone
Now that you're gone
Now that you're gone

'Cause now that you're gone
I can breathe
Now that you're gone
I am free
Free to make a mess of everything

'Cause nobody's watching me
Now that you're gone
I am free
Now that you're gone
I can breathe
Now that you're gone
I am free
Now that you're gone
I can breathe

WTF?

After a break up what do you do?

I sulked.

I sulked. I cried. I sulked. I cried. I sulked.

Then...

After walking around with a heavy heart, yesterday I finally WOKE UP - from whatever rotten pit I was swimming in for almost a month now.

Just one text message triggered it.

Last Sunday... actually around 12:58AM, the he who must not be named (according to Mariel), sent a text message... “I'm so sorry for everything. I'm a bad person.” Ahh.. Hello! You're not a bad person... YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!

A JERK...

I replied with a message thinking that, “I think he is okay and I think he is ready to talk yada yada yada.. as in talk”. But he didn't replied. I sent him another message again... because I'm so stupid – “I miss you” stupid really! AND HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING... I tried calling him and he wouldn't pick up... I got the message... “DON'T CALL HIM DON'T TEXT HIM BUT HE COULD TEXT YOU.”

GOD! What does this effing guy wants from me???

I just don't get it! Why send a effing “sorry” message then don't respond!?!

I really am trying to be nice after all WHAT HE DID to me. I TRIED TO BE NICE. Really. But this effing guy is just pushing it. I just gave in to my anger and told him a piece of my mind. And miraculously... I felt a heavy load was lifted from my chest. I felt.... HAPPY. I felt free. I felt as light as a balloon floating in the sky. I FELT FREE!!!

Mariel was right... I need to feel the anger. The more I hold it back, the more I got depress and couldn't focus on myself. I think the depression I felt was anger I was holding in. Hhmm...

What a realization...

I just wish that men, a effing BOY for that matter, would stick to whatever decision they've made. HAVE THE BALLS to tell to your partner if you want out. AND EFFING GROW UP!!!

Now, on to a much better news...

I'm off to Coron, Palawan next week. For a four day-three night vacation...

A very timely vacation..

New start for me...

Time to unwind and be happy...

A VERY MUCH NEEDED VACATION!!!! Yahooooo!!!!!!

Dreaming with a broken heart

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was he really here?
Is he standing in my room?
No he's not, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
He takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No he can't, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

On Love

The only thing I know I'm guilty of is that, I love too much..

Spreading myself too thin and getting hurt in the end.

~~~~

I thought, if I give my all, he won't leave.

I thought, if I'm always there to support him, he won't leave.

I thought, if I just be myself, he won't leave.

I guess, I was wrong.

~~~~

Lesson learned. Broken heart. Now, I'm taking each day one at a time.

Baby steps. I know I'll be alright. I know it'll pass. I know I'll be able to love again.

Hopefully, this time, it'll be different.

Hopefully, to find someone who truly deserves me. All of me.

Time of Your Life

You say, you've got all you'd ever want
Then how come you're
Demanding everything
A little more from everyone
You're always
Turning all my rights to wrongs
With the bitter words you're whispering
I see we've come undone, well

There's something wrong about it
Your life's too over crowded
I'm tired of giving it all
And taking the fall, I Guess

I'm wasting your time, baby
If something within you
Can't be satisfied
Then Get up, Get out, Give In, oh if
I'm cramping your style, lately
If something is greener on the other side
THEN GO ON, AND HAVE
THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE

Shameful, always treated me the same
Twisting every little circumstance
In to your gain
Resentful, gone too far to give a damn
All those things that did belong to me
Keep 'em like you planned, well

There's no two ways about it
My life's too short for shouting
I'm tired of giving it all
And taking the fall, I guess

Ain't no reason in me holding you down
So move on baby, and someone else
proud, because...

Chorus
The time of your life
The time of your life
The time of your life
The time of your life

There's no two ways about it
My life's too short for shouting
I'm tired of giving it all
And taking the fall, I guess

Monday Blues No More

Woke up today feeling a lot more better than before... I've decided to stop feeling depress and lonely...
Told myself, no more pains.. No more sadness...

TIME TO MOVE ON...

Time to open the window and let the light in... :)

(i'm getting a new haircut today... hehehe....)

Isang Munting Text

Paalala:
Kapag nagmahal ka wag kang aasa kung ano ung nararamdaman mo...

Tandaan mo:
Na minsan ang pag gamit ng utak ay mas nakakabuti...

Next:
Wag mong gagamitin ang mata mo para umiyak sa taong nanakit sayo...

Instead:
Gamitin mo para maghanap ng iba...

Lastly:
Wag kang matakot sa pakikipaghiwalay...

Take Note:
Mahalin mo ung taong ipaglalaban ka at handang harapin lahat ng pagsubok na darating sa inyong relasyon...

Ung taong matatawag mong "PARTNER" kesa "lover"....


Got this message from a person I least expected to text me or to even know my current situation... Thank you! Sapul na sapul!!! Hehehe!!!

Never Say Goodbye

Traveling down the road
Passing the signs that used to be
I remember you and me

The road that leads me home
Is it too far for me to find
The days we left behind

Then the day you left me
It took me by surprise
Do you really love me
I can't see it in your eyes

(But) you never said goodbye
You never heard my cry
The day you left my side
'Coz you never said goodbye

I live my life alone
Wondering what went wrong
You're trapped inside my mind
You never said goodbye

May be I was wrong
To think that we could ever be
Was it enough for you and me

We could have it all
It's not too late to realize
The way we feel inside

Then the day you left me
Took me by surprise
I know you really love me

Where Do I Go?

I know its been some time
But there's something on my mind
You see, I haven't been the same
Since that cold august day...
You said we needed space
But all I found was an empty place
And the only thing I learned
Is that I need you desperately...

So here I am
And can you please tell me... oh

Chorus:
Where do broken hearts go
Can they find their way home
Back to the open arms
Of a love that's waiting there
And if somebody loves you
Wont they always love you
I look in your eyes
And I know that you still care, for me

Ive been around enough to know
That dreams don't turn to gold
And that there is no easy way
No you just cant run away...
And what we have is so much more
Than we ever had before
And no matter how I try
You're always on my mind

How Do You Heal A Broken Heart

I can't believe what i just heard
Could it be true
Are you the boy I thought I knew
The one who promised me his love
Where did it go
Does anybody ever know

Chorus:
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never beat this much again
Oh no
I just can't let go
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never love this much again
Oh no
Tonight I'll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I'll pretend to let you go

And were you ever what you seemed
Or was I a fool who fell in love
With her own dream
And now you say you want to leave
Start a new life today
Those words I thought you'd never say

Chorus:
Tonight I'll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I'll pretend to
Wake and put it all behind me
And find that I have finally found

A new life
In my soul
And find that I know how to let you go
You go

Chorus:
Tonight I'll hold what could be right
Tomorrow i'll pretend to
Wake and put it all behind me
And find that I know how to let you go

Bluer than Blue

After you go
I can catch uo on my readin'
After you go
I'll have a lot more time to sleepin'
And when you're gone looks like things
Are gonna be a lot easier
Life will be a breeze you know
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
I You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue

After you go
I'll have a lot more room in my closet
After you go
I'll stay out all night long if I feel like it
And when you're gone
I can run through the house screamin'
And no one will ever hear me
I really should be glad

repeat I

I don't have to miss no TV shows
I can start my whole life over
Change the numbers on my telephone
But the nights will sure be colder

repeat I

Bluer than blue, Bluer than blue

Heart of Mine

one day, you may
find true love that will last forever and ever
'till then you'll spend
a lifetime wishing one together
you never thought he'd say goodbye
and you will never understand the reasons why

chorus:
heart of mine, how can you keep from dying
stop reminiscin', who is he kissing
heart of mine, oh what's the use in tryin'
no one can mend you know

love plays cruel games
you can't believe he's found another lover
does he miss me
sometimes you just can't help but wonder
no you can't hold the hands of time
and you will always be the one he left behind

and you will always be the one he left behind

lalala...lalalala...
no one can mend you now

There's No Easy Way

I held her close to me
Coz I know she breaks so easily
And then I told her
Though I knew no matter how I tried to console her
Then she'd do the best she could
But there are times the best is no damn good
And no matter how you try to be kind
There's always still a part of you you'll leave behind
When they fall apart
There's no easy way to break somebody's heart.

I lied and told her she'll be fine
Though we both knew it was just a lie
I had to do it
Coz I had said anything to help me get through it.
And she reached out for my hand
And her simple touch was more than I could stand
And I had to turn away coz I knew
All the hurt that she was feeling, I was feeling too
When they fall apart
There's no easy way to break somebody's heart.

She could've gotten angry
And made me feel like a guilty child
But I realized that never was her style
I wanted her to hurt me
And not treat me like a friend
I wanted her to say "there'd be someday
I'd come crawling on my knees to ask her back again"
But she acted like a lady till the end
Oh, what a lady!

I thought that she'd bring down
But she smiled at me and never made a sound
And I guess she understood in her way
Coz her silence told me everything she could not say
When they fall apart
There's easy way to break
There's just no easy way
There's no easy way to break somebody's heart...

Messages

I: Bakit ganun, parang ang dali dali para sayo, kalimutan lahat, talikuran lahat and just walk away from it all... Bakit ganun...
J: I'm also having some thinking of my own... masama din ang loob ko dahil sa ginawa ko...


I: Ilang beses ka nadapa, pero I never gave up on you when you asked for a 2nd or 3rd chance... Ang gusto ko lang sana kasi kinausap moko ng harapan. Dahil iintindihin kita... Kahit ano pa gusto mo, iintindihin kita kung kinausap moko at di iniwan sa ere... Di nako galit. Drain na drain lang...


I: Kung hinarap moko at nagusap tayo ng maayos and you asked for some space, I would have let you go... Let you go maski masakit at dahil mahal kita, I would have set you free, kung alam ko lang na di kana masaya... Maayos sana... Walang samaan ng loob.. Masakit pero I would have let you go... Di sana ganito...
J: Napaka unjustifiable siguro ng reason ko. Pero ayoko makita kitang umiiyak... because i will stay again. Then same problem. Unfair na naman lalo sayo un. Dahil sa ginawa ko na ito. Lalo ko lang ginawang komplikado sitwasyon ko. Napaka gulo ng isip ko.


I: Ano ba problema?
J: Gusto ko lang magkaron ng oras sa sarili ko. Kaya sana patawarin moko kung naging biglaan. Ilang buwan ko na daladala ito. Kaya masyado na unfair sayo. Walang ibang taong involve. Sarili ko lang...


I: Kelan mo pa naramdaman yan?
J: Around April - May...


I: Hangang kelan? Bakit mo sinabing babalik ka?
J: I know myself. Kaya ko sinabing babalik ako because of possibilities... ang hirap mangako. Mahirap magbigay ng time frame. Mahirap magpaasa. I can't afford to hurt you again.


I: So.... It is over... No more promises... Un nga.. Let's go on with our own lives... Salamat at sumagot ka sa text ko... At least kahit pano, alam mo un... Naintindihan ko... Ayoko ng galit... Dahil naging masaya rin tayo e. Siguro di pa tayo para sa isa't isa. Salamat dahil naging parte ka ng buhay ko. Salamat sa lahat.


I: Kung saan ka masaya... Suportahan kita... Sana matagpuan mo kung ano man yang gusto mo. Sana maging maligaya ka...


I: Sorry sa lahat ng kung ano mang nagawa ko sayo... Basta... Sorry...


I: Minahal mo ba ako?
J: Oo. Nung una palang kitang nakita. Tunay at totoo ang naramdaman ko para sayo...


I: E ngayon?
J: Hangang ngayon...


I: What happened to us?
J: Don't use "us" it's not your fault...


I: I don't know kung ano pang formula to make a relationship work... Suko nako... I don't know what happened..
J: Im sorry din sa lahat lahat... Messing up all the things you've planned five years ago... and I also thank you sincerely for giving and sharing me your life with those five years we had...


-END-


When i woke up after a few hours I sent him these messages.. but he never replied anymore... I guess this is...

I: Is this goodbye? Are we saying goodbye?

I: Isang pitik ng kamay... Ganun lang kadali...

I: Im so sorry kung I keep texting you. Kung naiistorbo kita.. Di lang kasi ako makapaniwala na eto na talaga un. I keep sayign to myself to be strong pero ang hirap, dahil nawala ung taong pinagkukunan ko ng lakas. I feel so empty. Di ko lam kung san ko uumpisahang pulutin sarili ko. Mahal kita e. Minahal kita ng sobra sobra, wala nang naiwan sa akin... Mahirap umasa, mahirap magpaasa... Masakit talaga... Napakasakit...

Broken

I got this letter yesterday.

I broke down.

ina,

hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ito, masyado nang unfair para sa iyo itong nararamandaman ko. i need a break. i miss myself so much...walang ibang involve kundi sarili ko lang.sana maintindihan mko. i just wanted to spend time with myself and work. ilagay muna natin ang relationship natin into hold. i just simply need time and space. hindi ko na kasi kayang itago ito e. habang wala ako, please go on with the stuff ur doing. get a job take care of our mandy and edong.ayoko ng magsosoli ka ng gamit ko..ganun din ako.ur name will always be with me....pls don't think that i'll throw away our 5 wonderful years. i promise i'll be back.....i will ofcourse miss you.you will always be my BE

jetong

I just couldn't phantom the pain. I threw up three times.

How would you react if your love one broke up with you thru an email?

I was shocked. I didn't see it coming. I thought everything was okay with us. Because we made a promise to tell each other if there is something wrong, if we feel something like this. But he didn't. HE TOOK THE EASIEST WAY OUT FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP.

Why? So many questions left unanswered... I'm lost. I'm still in that stage where in everything hasn't sinked in yet. I feel betrayed. I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel so alone. The last person I thought I could trust with my life and with my heart left me. He left me in pieces. He broke my heart. He broke my soul.

Five years. Five years, just gone in one email.

Where do I start?

If only you could fast forward everything to the day where in you don't remember him anymore and the pain he gave you.

It's so hard to go home, to my room. Where in we shared a lot of things together. It's so hard to look around and not see him, feel him, smell him.

Why? Why? Why?

I want to drown my misery. I want to feel numb. If only there is something you could take to make everything go away. If only I could erase the last five years of my life..

Where and how will I begin to pick the pieces?

Tanong

Ano ba ang mas masakit...

Ikaw ang iniwan?

O ikaw ang nangiwan?