What's the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
~~~~~
I couldn't sleep for the past few days. It was like I was carrying something heavy and I was irritable.
Every little thing he does makes me angry or hate him.
I knew I had to tell him something about how I really felt deep inside. In truth it was me that I hated. It was not him. I was just projecting how I felt about myself. It was a constant battle inside me. I was mad. I was angry. I was frustrated.
Guilt.
Guilty for not feeling the same way he felt about me. For not giving the same way he is giving himself to me.
And I wanted to cry out every time I felt the pressure.
I asked him to come by at our house at 2 in the morning. I really felt the need to speak to him no matter what the time was. Whether he was sleeping or not, I felt I needed to see him. Good thing he couldn't sleep too.
I told him everything I needed to tell him without fear of rejection. I owe him that. The truth.
He felt a little bit hurt. But he said it doesn't make him love me any less. He said he is willing to wait.
Ever since then, I felt free. I feel no pressure.
At least now I don't have to pretend. I don't need to pressure myself and it felt liberating.
I feel I'm learning to fall IN love again.
Little by little.
I'm enjoying and appreciating all the things he shows and gives me. His little lambing and being open with our relationship. And I'm not pressured to do the same.
He said, "In your own time."
It felt good.
It feels good.
Thank you love... Thank you for everything...
Thank you for coming into my life.
