Sunday, October 31, 2010

Hahaha!

"The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating."
~Unknown psychology professor in neuropsychology course

Thoughts

"I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime."
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Love...


Thank you for making the day special and for all the gifts. You really know how to spoil me. Love them all! Hihihi!!!

Had a very tiring day but everything was worth it. Mega kanta ako maski I don't like singing. Once I started you couldn't take the mic away, maski sintunado na. Hahaha!

Love you!!! Mwah! Mwah!

Later another celebration with my girlies. Miss them so much...

Friday, October 29, 2010

Whaaaa!!!

Can't wait for later... I'm so freaking excited! Finally, it's Friday.

Keeping my fingers cross for something hopefully nice later...

Hmmm... Just hoping he did got my subtle hints... *wink* *wink* *wink*

:) :) :)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Way Love Goes by Lemar

i never thought that i would ever love again
i might be wrong cos i can feel it happening
a little scared but i am not petrified
i love forever, i promise to stay by your side
heart broken, my first and never spoken
i waited to hear and i gave it a year
so i stopped holding on and then you came along
and then you came along
i’m gonna, i’m i’m i’m gonna

i hold you, i love you the best that i can
until you understand that i need you
and i can’t dance alone cos the beat’s just too slow
that’s just the way love goes,
that’s just the way love goes (uh uh)

i used to think that i would never get to be
in love again cos that was the only one for me
and now i feel that you have come and saved me
this heart of mine awoken by your smile
heart broken, my first and never spoken
i waited to hear and i gave it a year
so i stopped holding on and then you came along
and then you came along
i’m gonna, i’m i’m i’m gonna

i hold you, i love you the best that i can
until you understand that i need you
and i can’t dance alone cos the beat’s just too slow
that’s just the way love goes,
that’s just the way love goes

i hold you, i love you the best that i can
until you understand that i need you
and i can’t dance alone cos the beat’s just too slow
that’s just the way love goes,
that’s just the way love goes

(gotta get strong, keep moving on)

someone’s coming to save me
someone’s coming to save me
save me, save me, save me

i hold you, i love you the best that i can
until you understand that i need you
and i can’t dance alone cos the beat’s just too slow
that’s just the way love goes,
that’s just the way love goes

i hold you, i love you the best that i can
until you understand that i need you
and i can’t dance alone cos the beat’s just too slow
that’s just the way love goes,
that’s just the way love goes

Saturday, October 23, 2010

One More Chance

"Siguro kaya tayo iniiwanan ng mga mahal natin dahil may darating pang ibang mas magmamahal sa'tin - 'yung hindi tayo sasaktan at paasahin... 'yung magtatama ng lahat ng mali sa buhay natin." :)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Us



Soft-Disconnect 1st Anniversary
October 17, 2010
Elbow Room, Metrowalk

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Excited!

Celebrating our First Anniversary!

Comcast Soft-Disconnect

Elbow Room, Metrowalk
October 17, 2010 8:00pm

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Thoughts

I was checking my other FB account when my cousin started chatting with me.

The usually how are you. How's everybody blah blah blah...

And then out of the blue she asked me if I'm already married (as if they won't know if I was). Told her I was busy with work that marriage is out of the question. Then she said "YOU'RE OLD NA AH?" Thank you very much my dearest cousin. I started forgetting my age when I hit twenty-seven. I stopped counting. Sometimes when people ask how old i was I seemed stuck with that number. And mindfully say, twenty-seven!

I know! I'm turing 33 in about... exactly 11 days from now. But! what I know, I don't look my age! Hehehe! I fooled a lot of people from the office. They think I was in my mid-twenties. It feels good to be old and not look your age. Hahaha!!!

~~~~

Honestly, I really want to be married. I want a church wedding but sometimes I just want to elope and escape all the preparations and stuff. But I know, it is every girls dream to be married in a church. I'm not in a hurry. Not now. Not yet.

A friend of mine is getting married next year. I'm happy for her. So, in my barkada 6 are married and 4 remain single. Who will be next???

~~~~

One experience changed my perspective about marriage. I don't know why. Maybe the experience was too painful and at this point I'm just being careful and a little bit pessimistic. I can't help it! You were led to believe that it is the relationship that would lead to that and all of the sudden it was over. It broke my heart and changed my life.

No, I was not married before and got separated.

I was in a long-term relationship and it ended badly.

Why a change of heart with marriage when it was only a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship?

I don't know.

My five cents, no matter how much you love a person, it will never be enough. It will never be enough to secure the relationship. It will never be enough to bind you together. It will never be enough to make him happy. So what does a piece paper guarantee you? When separation and annulment is a piece of cake now a days.

I'm sorry. I'm being grumpy. I don't intend to burst any bubbles out there.

BOTTOM LINE, I believe, is that I'm so scared. So scared to give my all and be disappointed in the end. To be hurt again and to experience that kind of loneliness and sadness I thought I almost died.

I did died...

I lost a part of me that day and I never saw her again.

~~~~

Don't get me wrong. I love him. I do love him (that someone in my life right now). Although at times he would look at me and ask me why he's feeling that I'm not giving my all. That sometimes I'm so far and he couldn't get to me. One thread is not connecting no matter how much he tries to reach for me. In which I reply his imagination is running wild again. In truth, I'm scared to give him my all and fail in the end. Traumatize? Yes I was.

Sometimes, when I look at him, I see myself. The way he loves, the way he unselfishly give his all without question and the jealousy part! My goodness! Hands down! Hahaha! I'm scared for him sometimes, but one thing is for sure. I've been there and as much as possible I don't want him to feel how painful it was to lose someone you loved with all your heart and soul.

I know, it will take time for me to give my all but I know I'll get there. Sometimes it is just hard to pretend or rather be as happy or excited as he is whenever he talks about our future. He's doing all the planning and he is expecting that I'll be doing my part by next year. That I don't know. A part of me is excited to be getting married and living with him and a part of me is uncertain.

What I'm sure of, is that I want to be whole when we do decide to bind it. Not out of utang na loob, not out of kahihiyan or awa, not because I'm old. I did it because I believe and feel I'm IN LOVE with the person I'm going to spend my whole life with.

Right now, I'm not forcing anything. I just don't want to be rushed. And I just hope that he'll give me time and space sometimes.... :(

Friday, October 15, 2010

Hehehe!

Dahil sick leave ka, sick leave rin ako... :p

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Differences

It is so hard to argue with someone who does not want to argue back. Who keeps calm when you are in the verge of losing it. Who keeps quiet when you're trying to make a point and would just nod and look at you as if you are a mad woman.

GAD! Why do you have to be quiet and calm, when all I want you to do is be mad as hell and shout back. But no, you have to be - - - you. Simply you. The one who is willing to take all the wrath and analyze things before you open your mouth.

I hate it.

It makes me hate myself more.

I know I was just trying to make you lose it. In the end it was me who suffered my own doing. Maybe you are just testing me or maybe someday you'll lose it too and be as crazy as me...

Maybe. Maybe not.

Monday, October 04, 2010

:(

Contemplating something really big.

I could almost hear my Nanay's payo, "when in doubt, don't."

What am I to do... Think. Think. Think.

:(