Giving

I was browsing through my book collection and I saw this red book I purchased a long time ago and completely forgot about it. I haven’t read it yet though, its objective is that if ever you have questions in life and some things are bothering you, especially about love, you hold the book and just open it and there will be your answer. The title is Love Wisdom. So, holding it I thought about my relationship with Jet right now. Where we are and what’s happening to us lately. I don’t know how the book knew (stupid thing to even ask) or is it merely coincidental, but it opened to “GIVING”.

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There is a time to give and a time to receive. Now is your time to give. You need to work out what it is that you can give and to whom, as well as the manner of giving which is appropriate. Always give for the sake of giving, rather than because you hope to see it returned. Some of us are selfish and ungenerous and we need to alter this behavior if our relationships or potential relationships are to flourish. When we fail to give, we keep ourselves closed and we block the flow of energy which is necessary for a healthy relationship. When we life from a belief which says we don’t have enough to share, then our lives quickly reflect this belief and it becomes true. The only way to change this is with a leap of faith. When you start to give, more will come to you. You will find more returned to you than you ever gave away, as long as you stay open and don’t return to tight, ungiving attitudes and behavior. There is enough for everyone. We live in a time of abundance. It’s only our fear which closes us off from this abundance. Trust that you have enough to share and the reward will be tremendous. Give from the heart rather from the ego to discover the true joy of giving.

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I did a little reflection and thought about my actions towards him lately. Am I not giving him space? Am I not giving him enough time for himself? Am I not giving enough for this relationship? Maybe not, I know I’m guilty. It seems to be my problem ever since. There are moments that I become selfish, self-centered and I forget that he is also a part of this relationship. That he has his own needs as an individual. I remember we were having this fight over a picture – A PICTURE! And I was dumbstruck when he told me “I was not acting my age and if only I could hear myself”. Really, that made me stopped and put a lid in my mouth. I was, as what Jai told me, “nakahanap ng katapat ko”. Hehehe! She is right. He rarely gets mad and if he does, it is always with a valid reason. I don’t understand why he is like that. I would sometimes out of the blue start a fight but he wouldn’t budge and in the end it is me who will look bad, which is just right because I had to start that stupid fight in the first place.

I remember an ex lover telling me that I’m bad at receiving criticism that I get offended too much. Hhmm… Maybe I was. Maybe I was too proud to accept it. Maybe I was too proud to give in. To know that I too have my own weaknesses and I can’t be that perfect or wonder woman I believed I was. I thought I was. I thought I was doing it right. Maybe I was not giving much in the relationship. That is what I’m trying to avoid happening right now. I do get a little off track sometimes, just like that photo incident; which could have been prevented if I just used my head instead of my mouth.

Give and take they say it is, a relationship that is. Try to be more open, to be more giving and I know he appreciates it. I’m not a perfect girlfriend. But I try to make up for the things I know I’ve hurt him. Maybe now is the time to be MORE giving, giving in a sense that, I should focus more about his emotions and not mine; whether it is about deciding when to meet and what to do when we are together. Let him be in control. Give him the freedom to do the things that I know he wants to do without being afraid if his love is still mine; because I know he is honest to me and very much loyal. I should stop being afraid and take that leap of faith before its too late...