muni-muni

I'm tired, but I don't feel like sleeping yet and Jet just left. We spend the day in the mall, watched a movie (The Brother's Grimm), correction! I watched while he slept. Hehehe... and did some window shopping... After a while he wanted to go to my place. I cooked dinner while he played with Mandy. I felt a sudden rush of loneliness. The house seems so quiet... empty. Though I could hear "the angels" watching TV. But the fact is, there are only five of us inside a four-storey house. Unlike before, my sister's family was here. Niko and Victor (my two bubbly nephews) kept the house alive and up. But now, almost a year have passed, a lot has changed. A lot.

When we talked about families, being a family, what word comes to your mind? Love, security, trust, acceptance, understanding, unity, sharing and so much more! To be brutaly and honestly blunt here, I don't feel any of that right now. I mean coming from the so-called family that I (still/hoping to) have. When my sister left for Canada last November 2004, a lot of things changed in my life. I've acquired a lot of responsibilities. And she is still the one I call whenever I feel down or I needed a boost. There are a lot of things right now that wanted me down on the ground. Wanted me out... People who don't trust me, people who don't know me after all, after all the years we've shared. I thought I could trust them, I thought they knew better. But I was wrong, I was quite wrong.

****

Money they say are the root of all evil. But no I don't think so. It is the people that makes money evil. People who worships, desires, wanted money that makes money evil. People who are BLINDED by ambitions and jealousy. People who could sell their soul for what.. a certain amount? I know a lot of people like that. I've encoutered quite a number of them in my life. People who uses money to get their ambition, people who uses money to gain freinds, people who uses money to make the world go round. Sad isn't it? But with a kind of economy our country is having, you'll seldom see people who wouldn't do a "kapit-sa-patalim".

But when these things happen in a family.. within a family... isn't it much sadder? More pathetic I think. A brother doesn't trust a sibling just because the sibling is not a TRUE member of the family. Sad.. tsk.. tsk.. tsk.. I pity the brother. Imagine, with that thought, with that hatred, with that "tamang hinala" inside you... where does that lead you? Who threw all the "pinagsamahan" out of the window? Who is the bad guy here? Definitely not the sibling who was only given instructions. Definitely not the sibling who is just doing her job. Definitely not the sibling who KNOWS what is really going on. Definitely not the sibling given all the responsibilities. Not her.

What I told her, just remain quiet. No need to explain things. Because in the first place, if they want you to be honest, to be transparent, let them make the first move. Talking about HONESTY and TRANSPARENCY... Hah! What a big joke! Look in the mirror damn ass! Look in the mirror!!!

It is a sad thing. Just a sad thing... They can say whatever they want, they can throw a lot of things at you, the most important thing is, you do your job, you have God by your side, and the truth will always set you free... the TRUTH.

*****

I'm just lucky, I feel that I am. Although I don't share the same blood as they have or have a close relationship with them now, I know my Tatay is proud of me. I know I make Nanay happy. I had/have the chance to be of service to them. By living with Nanay now, here, I give her the best care there is, they may say that we "baby" her too much... Can't they just be glad that someone is caring for their mother??? Can't they just be greatful that eventhough thier mother is surrounded by people who are not blood related to her, she's not neglected!? God! if only they know how hard it is to care for an elderly... I don't know if they can... I don't know. All I can say is they're all full of crap!!! I only owe my life to Tatay and Nanay and nobody else. They can say whatever they want... I'll just laugh at them. They can try to put me down... They can try a lot of things... But let us all remember that, whatever we do, what goes around comes around.

****

As for now, I'm contented. I'm okay, It gets a little lonely sometimes I admit, but knowing that Nanay is in good health, we still eat three times a day, Jet and I are happy with our relationship, friends are okay, I think... I can survive all these. Just hang in there... Hang in there....