How do you end a day that started good???
You pick a fight.
~~~~
It’s been five days since Jet and I saw each other and because today is a holiday, break muna from training. He came over and I was surprised kasi ang aga nyang dumating – 12 noon to be exact. Bilis ata ng byahe…
We didn’t have anything planned - as usual. We hanged around the house till 2pm and then decided to go to Gateway (as always). Wala lang, ikot ikot lang. Had an early dinner at Teryaki Boy (as always). Bought December issues of our favorite magazines, CD’s and a few Havaianas to complete my collection for this year (I hope!), I’ve reached kasi my limit… 50 pairs!!! Hehehe! Had coffee at Coffee Bean, mega kwentuhan of how our week was and then we went home. Watched TV, tinker with Suzy, uploaded the CD’s to my iTunes, he read my blog, took crazy pictures and talked some more. All the while he was exchanging text messages with someone I didn’t care to know. Until nung hinatid ko na sya sa gate, may nagtext nanaman sa kanya and he showed it to me kasi bigla syang natawa. It was a goodnight message from someone named Jeric. It was a girly message for me. Kasi naman sino bang lalake ang magsesend ng ganung goodnight message sa kapwa lalake diba? Because I’m a natural-born-super-mega-selosa, ayun! Umandar ang monster inside me. I was thinking na pinalitan lang nya ang real name ng girl to a boy’s name para hindi halata kung magtetext yung girl. Eh diba yun naman ang uso para hindi mabuking.
I guess I was really taken by my emotions and a lot of things flash around me. Yung mga nangyari sa nakaraan ko. The betrayals… the lying… the “it’s not you, it’s me” kind of thing… I guess, again, I overreacted. I was being cold to his text messages at first, after a while I confronted him and told him how I felt. In turn he sent me the business card of that person na pinaghihinalaan ko and ordered me to text and call that person named Jeric and asked him whatever I wanted to know. So I did. It was a guy friend who didn’t have anything to do – in short nangungulit lang… He was sending all his friends the same message. It was a guy for god sake! Who has bored with his work.
Jet did give me the answers that I wanted to hear. And I knew he was honest with it, it was just me getting carried away - totally!
Why? Why did I made such a big fuss about it? What’s going on inside my head?
I just got scared.
I remember a conversation I had with a close friend of mine a week ago. She told me that Jet and I are in this certain level of our relationship, where in we understood each other without even saying anything. It suddenly hit me that yes she was right.
Jet and I have been going out for almost three years now - well, two years and ten months to be exact. And we have been thru a lot of things together. We’ve battled a lot of disappointments, adjustments, pain, truth, success, and so forth. For me everything is a first with him. We’ve done a lot of things that I haven’t done with my previous relationships. I’ve discovered a lot of things about me and he has shown me a lot of things that I never thought possible. And of course we are not perfect as individuals but we are perfect for each other. But we’re only humans and sometimes we make mistakes. But we forgive each other and we move on.
What is the connection of all of these to what happened tonight?
Over the days that passed, I was thinking about where we are in terms of our relationship. Yes, we are in this certain level that I could just sit back, put up my feet, relax and watch the world pass us by without anything to worry about.
I’m in my comfort zone for the first time in my whole life. I’ve finally felt what it is like to be comfortable, to be carefree, to trust someone with open arms, to be secure, to be so happy in love.
Above all these, paranoia sets in. It is too good to be true. May kapalit ito. Then! Tonight it happened…
I was so obsessed with thinking about how comfortable my relationship is, I was also obsessed that karma is lurking around and it could happen any minute. Maybe I was being taught a lesson here that’s why that “paghihinala” suddenly came from no where and almost ruined the day.
I told Jet about this. And as I’ve said previously, he gave me the right answers. He gave me the comfort that I needed. He told me the right words to calm me and he killed the monster that’s eating me up for the past few days.
He told me to trust him.
Something that I have trouble doing after a betrayal of any sort.
But when he said to me “wag kang magsori be…. Intindi ko ung sitwasyon mo… basta magtiwala ka lang… iloveyou.”
It ended it all.
I was back.
~~~~
There is nothing wrong in being happy and having someone love you the right way. If good things happen, it happens because it’s meant to be. You don’t question God. You don’t question love. You don’t ask why… how… when... It happens for a good reason, a reason you’ll learn and understand along the way.
~~~~
I don’t know why I let my weakness conquer me when I know that our love for each other should be enough to protect and make me believe that TRUE LOVE AND TRUE RELATIONSHIPS DO EXIST.
He is real...
You pick a fight.
~~~~
It’s been five days since Jet and I saw each other and because today is a holiday, break muna from training. He came over and I was surprised kasi ang aga nyang dumating – 12 noon to be exact. Bilis ata ng byahe…
We didn’t have anything planned - as usual. We hanged around the house till 2pm and then decided to go to Gateway (as always). Wala lang, ikot ikot lang. Had an early dinner at Teryaki Boy (as always). Bought December issues of our favorite magazines, CD’s and a few Havaianas to complete my collection for this year (I hope!), I’ve reached kasi my limit… 50 pairs!!! Hehehe! Had coffee at Coffee Bean, mega kwentuhan of how our week was and then we went home. Watched TV, tinker with Suzy, uploaded the CD’s to my iTunes, he read my blog, took crazy pictures and talked some more. All the while he was exchanging text messages with someone I didn’t care to know. Until nung hinatid ko na sya sa gate, may nagtext nanaman sa kanya and he showed it to me kasi bigla syang natawa. It was a goodnight message from someone named Jeric. It was a girly message for me. Kasi naman sino bang lalake ang magsesend ng ganung goodnight message sa kapwa lalake diba? Because I’m a natural-born-super-mega-selosa, ayun! Umandar ang monster inside me. I was thinking na pinalitan lang nya ang real name ng girl to a boy’s name para hindi halata kung magtetext yung girl. Eh diba yun naman ang uso para hindi mabuking.
I guess I was really taken by my emotions and a lot of things flash around me. Yung mga nangyari sa nakaraan ko. The betrayals… the lying… the “it’s not you, it’s me” kind of thing… I guess, again, I overreacted. I was being cold to his text messages at first, after a while I confronted him and told him how I felt. In turn he sent me the business card of that person na pinaghihinalaan ko and ordered me to text and call that person named Jeric and asked him whatever I wanted to know. So I did. It was a guy friend who didn’t have anything to do – in short nangungulit lang… He was sending all his friends the same message. It was a guy for god sake! Who has bored with his work.
Jet did give me the answers that I wanted to hear. And I knew he was honest with it, it was just me getting carried away - totally!
Why? Why did I made such a big fuss about it? What’s going on inside my head?
I just got scared.
I remember a conversation I had with a close friend of mine a week ago. She told me that Jet and I are in this certain level of our relationship, where in we understood each other without even saying anything. It suddenly hit me that yes she was right.
Jet and I have been going out for almost three years now - well, two years and ten months to be exact. And we have been thru a lot of things together. We’ve battled a lot of disappointments, adjustments, pain, truth, success, and so forth. For me everything is a first with him. We’ve done a lot of things that I haven’t done with my previous relationships. I’ve discovered a lot of things about me and he has shown me a lot of things that I never thought possible. And of course we are not perfect as individuals but we are perfect for each other. But we’re only humans and sometimes we make mistakes. But we forgive each other and we move on.
What is the connection of all of these to what happened tonight?
Over the days that passed, I was thinking about where we are in terms of our relationship. Yes, we are in this certain level that I could just sit back, put up my feet, relax and watch the world pass us by without anything to worry about.
I’m in my comfort zone for the first time in my whole life. I’ve finally felt what it is like to be comfortable, to be carefree, to trust someone with open arms, to be secure, to be so happy in love.
Above all these, paranoia sets in. It is too good to be true. May kapalit ito. Then! Tonight it happened…
I was so obsessed with thinking about how comfortable my relationship is, I was also obsessed that karma is lurking around and it could happen any minute. Maybe I was being taught a lesson here that’s why that “paghihinala” suddenly came from no where and almost ruined the day.
I told Jet about this. And as I’ve said previously, he gave me the right answers. He gave me the comfort that I needed. He told me the right words to calm me and he killed the monster that’s eating me up for the past few days.
He told me to trust him.
Something that I have trouble doing after a betrayal of any sort.
But when he said to me “wag kang magsori be…. Intindi ko ung sitwasyon mo… basta magtiwala ka lang… iloveyou.”
It ended it all.
I was back.
~~~~
There is nothing wrong in being happy and having someone love you the right way. If good things happen, it happens because it’s meant to be. You don’t question God. You don’t question love. You don’t ask why… how… when... It happens for a good reason, a reason you’ll learn and understand along the way.
~~~~
I don’t know why I let my weakness conquer me when I know that our love for each other should be enough to protect and make me believe that TRUE LOVE AND TRUE RELATIONSHIPS DO EXIST.
He is real...
4 comments:
hey mare
i never got to tell you this before but you looked much happier talaga when you and jet are together. =)
it does exist mare.. true love.. sana someday, it will also come true for me. =) keep that faith always!
salamat mare... salamat...
oo grabe... iba talaga...
don't lose that faith mare... just hold on... in time... in time...
it won't always be a bed of roses everyday...but at the end of the day...when you feel whole with a sense of wanting to make your life better the next day, for both you and jet...that's what love is :)
kaya i will think that I'm soooo lucky to have him... Hindi nga perfect pero I feel so loved and he understands me talaga... lagi nyang sinasabing sya ang swerte dahil he met me pero it's the other way around... hay love life nga naman...
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