A Letter

Today I received a letter from a former boyfriend. I was surprised and never was expecting it. Because the last time that we talked, we had this bad and ugly fight. Actually we were in speaking terms after we broke-up but when he went home last year from his job abroad, we did met several times but it ended bad… really bad. I came into conclusion that exes are not meant to be friends. Maybe after years and years of not seeing each other and getting really over the relationship – that’s when you could be friends.

Last year, when I met up with him it was all for the sake of what we had back as a couple. But what I didn’t see coming was he was only back for vengeance. Well, he did got what he came for. He hurt me and even Jet. We almost broke-up because of that event which I really regret until today.

When I read his letter, the only thing I could say was why. Why say sorry when you knew your motive in the first place? Conscience? Guilt?

I forgave him already, even before his letter. What’s the sense of hating him forever, it would only mean that I would carry him inside me forever too isn’t? So better let him go and all the hurtful things that we did to each other. Start living in the future with our own respective partners.

I told Jet about his letter. He immediately went home to talk to me about it. He was a little bit threaten again. Although he trusts me enough, he just doesn’t like the thought that my ex-boyfriend is starting to communicate with me. He was thinking of what could be his motive this time; maybe because he’ll be arriving soon, back for more vengeance. I hope not! We’re even now. If he still holds a grudge on me… Well that’s his problem not mine.

He wants to be friends that’s what he said before ending the letter. Why? What for? I don’t want to mess things up anymore. I don’t want to hurt Jet. I don’t want to hurt this relationship. I guess the time isn’t right yet. Last year’s event is still fresh. My main concern is Jet. Only him. I don’t want him to worry. If I was not in a relationship right now, I would let him be a friend. But for now, I can’t. I can’t take that chance and have my own relationship suffer. Although Jet never told me what to do, I could sense that he is restless about it and I’m so sorry to bring him that discomfort. Though he assured me that he wouldn’t give up our relationship because he loves me dearly and we have already invested so much to make it work, I’m just anxious what this ex-boyfriend of mine could bring to us. God knows I don’t want to hear Jet’s cold voice over the phone as I beg him to talk to me and to forgive me. I can’t bear not talking to him for more than a week or two. And I don’t want Jet to hate me that much.

I guess we have to keep our bond stronger. I have to assure him more. Even if he’s not asking for it I will show him that. Just ease all his worries. We’ll make it. This is just one trial that I know we’ll both overcome.

As for my ex, I hope he changed already. I hope that he’s happy with his relationship. I wish him well.